"I'm taking my freedom. Pulling it off the shelf. Putting it on my chain.Wear it around my neck. I'm taking my freedom.Putting it in my car.Wherever I choose to go,It will take me far"- Jill Scott
When I was growing up, I was not social, I was not particularly interested in anything unless it involved fried food, Television, Couch, and no people.That is how I liked my "me" time; If that was not bad enough, I hated filling in annoying questionnaires asking me about -MY HOBBIES, which quite frankly bugged me. I could not possibly write eating, watching reruns as hobbies, it is not endearing. Sadly, I was not a very warm child too, I was snappy, bratty,and high- strung. So, it is safe to say, my personality was *cough cough* not so impressive.To make things worse, some kid will come parading around with a certificate or trophy, almost telling me, ha-ha in -your -face- loser.God, how I hated smart-ass kids, I still do!
Enter- The sibling. I always got lectured from my sister about how *I* should have hobbies, and cultivate good skills. My sister, this lady deserves some mentioning in my blog. She is my inspiration, my best friend and my magic 8 ball.She is a sort of sibling who keeps super high standards, and makes it is so hard to match up to her level; she sure is humble about all of that, but that's not the point, the point being when your sibling sets the bar that high, a decent job will look half-assed. She IS jack of all trades, and master of all too. I blame my DNA.God's practical joke on me. *looking up toward the sky, *shaking my head disappointingly*)
Then, I got older, I still ate a lot of food, watched TV. Nothing changed. But what did change was the way I saw myself. I got worried.I took a proper look at myself in the mirror for the first time,I did not like what I saw, I saw a obese girl, with a bob-cut (OMG bad, it was) and a major complex, grumpy, no hobbies, no friends, zero physical activity and I was 16 already. Panic set in. I honestly had nothing to show for my 16 years of existence. I was shallow, I admit. If only I could go put a sense into the dumb 16 year old me. If only... *sigh*
Thankfully, I did not stay that way for long!Eventually, I did start reading books, cooking, blogging,and turned myself into an agony aunt (Yes, I am a very good listener, and yes, it is a hobby, when you have all the advice you can give away for free.Why waste all the smartness? ) *grinning* I give very good advice, but I don't put any of my own good gyan to proper use,obviously. I should probably be a shrink, anyway, that is off topic and different blog on its own.
Now, I value the time I spend with myself, which has nothing do with food or Television. I used to be the kinda person who never liked going any place alone or even be seen alone but lately, I've been enjoying my company, for real. Doing random, impromptu stuff and never feel like the 16 year old me again. When you hear people talk about freedom and independence, you don't realize what they mean, unless you actually taste freedom, and what magic it does to you, it make you feel all feel warm and happy in your heart.
To have the ability to choose what you want and cutting yourself some slack, and giving yourself that room for change is liberating. I like the idea of surprising myself, doing things for me, and only me- like taking long walks, eating by myself in a food joint, traveling long distances without getting lost or whining about it, not bothering about who calls me or texts me. Aaaah! Bliss.
I think, I just fell in love with......myself *grin*
When I was growing up, I was not social, I was not particularly interested in anything unless it involved fried food, Television, Couch, and no people.That is how I liked my "me" time; If that was not bad enough, I hated filling in annoying questionnaires asking me about -MY HOBBIES, which quite frankly bugged me. I could not possibly write eating, watching reruns as hobbies, it is not endearing. Sadly, I was not a very warm child too, I was snappy, bratty,and high- strung. So, it is safe to say, my personality was *cough cough* not so impressive.To make things worse, some kid will come parading around with a certificate or trophy, almost telling me, ha-ha in -your -face- loser.God, how I hated smart-ass kids, I still do!
Enter- The sibling. I always got lectured from my sister about how *I* should have hobbies, and cultivate good skills. My sister, this lady deserves some mentioning in my blog. She is my inspiration, my best friend and my magic 8 ball.She is a sort of sibling who keeps super high standards, and makes it is so hard to match up to her level; she sure is humble about all of that, but that's not the point, the point being when your sibling sets the bar that high, a decent job will look half-assed. She IS jack of all trades, and master of all too. I blame my DNA.God's practical joke on me. *looking up toward the sky, *shaking my head disappointingly*)
Then, I got older, I still ate a lot of food, watched TV. Nothing changed. But what did change was the way I saw myself. I got worried.I took a proper look at myself in the mirror for the first time,I did not like what I saw, I saw a obese girl, with a bob-cut (OMG bad, it was) and a major complex, grumpy, no hobbies, no friends, zero physical activity and I was 16 already. Panic set in. I honestly had nothing to show for my 16 years of existence. I was shallow, I admit. If only I could go put a sense into the dumb 16 year old me. If only... *sigh*
Thankfully, I did not stay that way for long!Eventually, I did start reading books, cooking, blogging,and turned myself into an agony aunt (Yes, I am a very good listener, and yes, it is a hobby, when you have all the advice you can give away for free.Why waste all the smartness? ) *grinning* I give very good advice, but I don't put any of my own good gyan to proper use,obviously. I should probably be a shrink, anyway, that is off topic and different blog on its own.
Now, I value the time I spend with myself, which has nothing do with food or Television. I used to be the kinda person who never liked going any place alone or even be seen alone but lately, I've been enjoying my company, for real. Doing random, impromptu stuff and never feel like the 16 year old me again. When you hear people talk about freedom and independence, you don't realize what they mean, unless you actually taste freedom, and what magic it does to you, it make you feel all feel warm and happy in your heart.
To have the ability to choose what you want and cutting yourself some slack, and giving yourself that room for change is liberating. I like the idea of surprising myself, doing things for me, and only me- like taking long walks, eating by myself in a food joint, traveling long distances without getting lost or whining about it, not bothering about who calls me or texts me. Aaaah! Bliss.
I think, I just fell in love with......myself *grin*
hi shobi,
ReplyDeletefeels good reading ur blog and glad am the first person to do that too :)
I always felt the same way too,
"solitar(it)y brings out solidarity" !!
getting to love oneself is wat most ppl are shying away from and losing an important feel good thing :)
BTW awesome penning :)
cheerio,
Mani
So..well, looks like "me-time" is all what u've enjoyed all ur life.. when u were young, u did so coz u were not fond of urself and so the option of being with ppl and now u do so coz u're soooo in love with urself, that u dont need others.... hehehe.. thats what i summarised! lol!
ReplyDelete@mani - Hey! Welcome here :)I know what you mean,loving oneself is the best thing. Thank you :)
ReplyDelete@Sharika- hahaha.. smart cookie, you are :D Now, go summarise DK's notes :p