Have you ever wondered, how the most perfect men always exist in novels, movies and plays/poetry? We (women) know –an average man is just not programmed to say/ do the right things, they always end up saying things like, “that girl is hot”, “and why can’t you be more like my mother?” "Have you put on weight?” This is precisely why, women write romantic novels, because at least in this way, the men (in the novel) get to say the right things and not be such jerks. Hence, we create our own perfect man.
In spite of all the terribly wrong things said/done- we want a Happy Ending. Like in the movies- where, the couple walk hand-in-hand orwhen the movie end with the couple reuniting in the Airport/ Train Station, or it ends with the couple laughing in a coffee shop or with Tom Cruise saying, “You complete me” and the ever popular scence where the movie ends with the guy professing his love for her and seals the deal with a passionate kiss. As ridiculous as all of the above sounds, somewhere somehow - we want exactly that. I do not speak for men here; their (men) idea of romance still baffles me. All of us crave for a companion, all of us want our own happy ending, our own little love story to share with our friends and mostly, we all want that one person...forever.
For the longest time, I always thought a Mark Darcy or a Rhett Butler would be my perfect man but with my drastically low expectations and a recent disappointment, I know a man of such supreme quality can only be invented. Then, I started reading Shantaram. Lin, (the protagonist) from Shantaram sums up my idea of a perfect man (excluding the drug habit, mafia connection and all the murders, that is). I absolutely have to mention why I adore him so much- he is a traveller, a writer, a survivor, his confidence, his pure soul, his magnanimity, his devoted love for Karla (Lin’s lady love) is something that has deeply affected me, his loyalty, his unconditional love for his friends, his loneliness, his love for Mumbai, his attitude toward life- just letting go, enjoying the moment and giving life a chance. I clearly understand how impossible it would be for me to find someone exactly like that, but I am willing to wait for my version of Lin to surface.
I may not have found love, yet but, I am here on the other side and it is not as bad as I imagined it to be. Honestly, a relationship is quite time consuming; the pressure of being together all the time, sharing every single event from the past with the new person, there is no room for "me" time, the questions never stop, the constant bickering and all the drama is quite exhausting to say the least. Coming to think of it, I am perfectly okay being single. I am enjoying this freedom- I love that I do not have to be answerable to anybody, I am fiercely independent- the thought of losing my independence for somebody else does not sit well with me, I can spend a whole day in the library and not look at my phone for a text or a call, the calm weekends by myself is just what I need and I do not have to dress up or get dolled up for somebody- and not worry about how I have to wear my hair, what to wear and what to say. Sure, there are times when I do miss being with somebody, sometimes I want the wait to end with my soul mate coming out of nowhere and saying “ Tada, I’m here” and when I see my happy couple-friends I want that for me too.
In a relationship, I do not expect fancy Hallmark cards with a bear holding a heart which says, “I love you” or a stuff toy or a candlelight dinner or song like “everything I do” “Have you ever really loved a woman” (which puts me off) , I do not expect jewellery or the I- love- you- baby- you- are- my- life nonsense . My idea of romance is as simple as this: asking me- how my day was, watching 30 Rock/ Grey’s Anatomy/ KTV movies together, a long walk, a comfortable conversation, a pizza date, and somebody who would just shut up in the morning and somebody who would just make fun of stupid people with me (I truly find that a very cute couple thing to do!)
I know my idea of romance is not old school or novel-type romance like I wanted it to be, but with past experiences and from a lot of stories heard from girlfriends in/out of relationships- men and women are from different planets.
Ladies, for a perfect man- grab your favorite novel, because that is as close as you will ever get to a perfect boyfriend... on the paper.
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